Have you ever wanted something so badly, but had no idea how to get it? I have. For a long time, I had the worst self-doubt. I had absolutely no self-esteem either. After high school, I ballooned up to an incredible 189lbs. All my life, I was never a bigger girl. I fell somewhere in between. Before I knew it, my 140lb frame added a whopping 50lbs to it. I was 18 years old, a high school graduate, and in the worst shape of my life. I was in love though. I didn’t care. My boyfriend and I ate out all of the time. It was our hobby. There wasn’t much else for us to do unfortunately. Instead of taking a walk, or doing something outdoorsy, we’d go to Wendy’s, or Starbucks. In fact, most of dates revolved around Barnes and Noble, then always ended in a coffee shop drinking those delicious Frappuccinos. (Extra whip on mine).
In 2004, I couldn’t take it anymore. People were starting to talk about me. The stares I got were the worst. Don’t even get me started on pictures. Was that really me?! I had no idea what the hell to do though. Weight was not a topic of conversation. No one in my family had ever started a fitness program, nor did we even know where to begin. 11 years ago, there were no fancy cell phone apps to dictate what to eat, and how to work out. Search engines weren’t even up to par. The best I had was yahoo.com. I’m not even sure what I searched, but I decided to try a low-calorie diet. I didn’t even know what a calorie was back then. I had no idea what good, or bad food was either. I grew up eating whatever my parents told me to eat. The lack of knowledge and education surrounding nutrition was my biggest hurdle.
I had no support at all. My family didn’t know I was embarking on a weight loss journey either. I was too embarrassed to share with them. In fact, I kept it to myself. I kept a huge binder filled with food journals and calorie counts. It was massive, but it helped me to stay on track. Because I lived with my parents, I ate the food they purchased, but I used portion control to count my calories. They did not purchase the healthiest groceries, but I made do with what I had and made it work for my calorie budget. The weight started to creep off. 5lbs, then 10lbs. It was amazing. I felt so proud of myself. It drove me to work harder. My boyfriend started to walk with me nightly. It felt great to have someone that I could share this experience with. I had no one else to talk to, no online support, or anything.
My boyfriend was supportive initially, but quickly grew irritated anytime I checked the nutritional facts on the back of a package for the calorie content. He labeled me obsessed, and annoying. It was the worst. The one person I could turn to was now turning against me. I knew I was probably being annoying by checking every single thing that went into my mouth, but I couldn’t help it. By that point, I had lost about 30lbs in a year. That was HUGE to me. People were starting to take notice, and asking me questions. Still, I hid it. I told people I wasn’t losing weight at all. I was the same ol’ Ashley. With support decreasing by the minute from my boyfriend, I pressed on, but tried to keep everything bottled inside. Not being able to share was the absolute worst. It actually tore us apart, then we broke up.
That threw me into a tizzy. I had spent years with this person. I didn’t think I could do it without him. He was my rock even when he wasn’t being very supportive. There I was, 21 years old, just recently lost 30lbs, and ended a 5 year relationship. I was devastated. I fell off track for a while as a result. Later, my boyfriend and I reconciled, which aided in me getting back on track. He was more supportive than ever too, which drove me to lose an additional 45lbs that second year!
I started to become a different person though. I was 75lbs slimmer, which put me at 114lbs at 23 years old. I was more confident, and had a new spark for life. I was a hell of a lot more social, and out-going too. People noticed me, which felt good. He and I grew apart, then broke up around our 6 year mark. Again, it was devastating, but a lot less devastating than the first time around. We both grew apart so much during my weight loss journey. I was always hindered by the weight that I put on, and I think I semi-blamed him for it because of all of the eating out we did. I never was quite able to put aside the resentment of not having his full support either. Though I loved that person with all of my heart, I knew it was time to move on.
From there, things were a whirl wind. I was so embarrassed by the fact that I lost 75lbs, that I hid it from everyone. I started a new job and made a slew of new friends. I never disclosed my huge life transformation to anyone. In fact, until I came clean about it a year or so ago, those people still had no idea that I had went through such a drastic transformation. I guess when you’re young and naïve you think people will view you differently if they know the truth. I should have been proud. I should have been a voice, and a shoulder for others who were going through what I had gone through. Instead, I let my voice go to waste. I was so ashamed of the person that I was, when I should have celebrated the strength it took to stay dedicated enough to make such a change.
Never be ashamed of the person you were. That person plays a big factor in who you’ve become. I wish I could go back all of those years ago. I’d change my perspective. I would have appreciated my struggle, and shared with others who might have been going through the same thing. I owed it to myself to celebrate such a big feat. I’ve always regretting short-changing myself that celebration. I deserved it so much for stepping outside of the box and finding my own answers to change my life.
I never gave up on myself even when things were tough. I plowed through my struggles because I wanted something so badly. I was driven and motivated. When I became a Beachbody coach, I made a vow to myself to never give up on anyone that allowed me to be a part of their journey. I vowed to never let a single person feel ashamed of what they were going through. I also vowed to always be a friend along the way, give 100% support, and to be a shoulder when times were hard. Embarking on any fitness, and nutrition venture is HARD. It takes a special person to stay truly dedicated and committed. When I meet someone that has that spark, it gives me goosebumps. It takes me back to that 21 year old girl who was fighting to get her life back. I pull and pick every bit of drive from deep inside of someone just to remind them why they started, and where they’re going.
I’ve been on my weight loss journey for 11 years. I’ve had some downs, but I’ve always gotten back up again. From lack of exercise, i had tons of flab that I was embarassed of. I'd wear long sleeves in the summer because i was embarassed of my arms. Through Beachbody, I've been able to correct that. I have actual muscle now, which I never dreamed of having before. I found the 21 day fix extreme program, which showed me how to eat right and workout. For the first time in my life, I had support and direction! I knew what I was doing, so I decided to share with others.
Beachbody has aught me that weight loss doesn’t have to be a solo thing. I’ve met the most incredible people along the way, and I hope to meet more. If I can help change even one person’s life, I’ll feel successful. I tell my crew every day that we do this as a team. We change and grow as a team. We are there for one enough. Where one person falls short, another is right behind to pick up the pieces. I couldn’t be more proud of the amazing group that I’ve gotten to be a part of. You don’t have to go through this alone. If you’ve felt a lack of support, please reach out to me. I’m looking for people who are serious about making a change, but are serious about doing it together. I want to be a part of your journey.
If you’re interested in joining my Mummy’s Muscles crew, please send me an email at mowery.ashley@gmail.com. I would love to have you be a part of my team, getting to know you on a personal level, and gaining a new friend to share in this crazy experience.